But What About the Laundry?
by ihidemychocolate
My Deepest Fear
Sunday morning, my daughter woke up crying. She had a class trip to Six Flags and was overwhelmed with homework. Frightened of her anxiety born of perfectionism, too much like mine, I galvanized her to go on the trip. “When you’re 50, you will wish you had spent more time having fun and less time on work.” A tearful mess, (her, not me) I deposited her at the school and went home and worried. My husband suggested that I surprise our son by taking him to Six Flags. That way, I could check on our daughter and please my son at the same time. (Conveniently, he had a business trip that day and could not join us on this “great adventure.”)
I don’t like amusement parks. I was terrified of the local Halloween Haunted House as a child. Dark with costumed figures jumping out and bowls of spaghetti guts and peeled grape eyeballs to feel, it was not a frisson of fun for me. While the other kids were laughing, I was quaking and looking for the exit. My fear was compounded with embarrassment at not fitting in with the other kids. What was the matter with me? When it came to rides, I could barely stand the Merry-Go-Round. The Ferris Wheel was too high. The Round-Up was too fast. I never went on those flying swings. And forget about roller coasters. As amusement parks became theme parks and got better at supplying a well-rounded overall experience instead of just rides (think Disney, Busch Gardens), I grudgingly accepted them and even have been known to have a good time, usually in the company of more adventurous and extraverted souls. The log flume ride was fun! But roller coasters – I hated them. The safety belt strapping you in so that you don’t die when you go upside down. The adrenalin as you crank up to the first swoop. The force of the swoop on your neck. The wondering when the ride is going to be over. The nausea. The screaming. And the newer ones in the dark? I hate them. I hate amusement parks.
I looked at my husband like he was crazy. “But what about the laundry?” I exclaimed, grasping at a responsible-sounding excuse. I wanted to go to yoga. I wanted to plant spring flowers. Maybe go for a bike ride. And, of course, I had the weekly laundry to do. I did not want to go to Six Flags. But I was worried about my daughter. And I did want to make my son happy. Rarely spontaneous, I am quite sure that when I am 90, I will wish I had spent more time having fun and less time on laundry. I woke my son and told him we were going to Six Flags. The surprise, the disbelief, the thrill on his face gave me joy. Off we went.
When we arrived, I remembered why I hate amusement parks. The long lines. The loud music. The rickety rides. The junk food. (I brought my own peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat bread, of course. I cannot eat that food. Thank god the security guard didn’t make me throw it away when he inspected my purse. Speaking of purses, do not bring a purse to an amusement park. You cannot go upside down on a roller coaster with a purse.) Six Flags pretty much consists of roller coasters, ranging from scary to terrifying. It doesn’t help that I wonder about their maintenance and safety records and am skeptical of the nonchalant teens operating them. For better or worse, the first ride we hit was the most terrifying. (SUPERMAN: Ultimate Flight) I used my yoga: Breathe. Remember it doesn’t last long. I willed the adrenalin to subside. We swooped and screamed and I did not lose my purse. I acknowledged, firmly and with no embarrassment nor apology this time around: I hate roller coasters. I hate amusement parks. I wished that I could be a more enthusiastic and spontaneous and fun-loving mother for my son, but I couldn’t do it. We spent the day sauntering the park, looking for rides that were not too terrifying. He solicitously didn’t want to make me go on any rides that were too scary. We ran into my daughter once. She was having a good time with her friends and didn’t want to be stalked by her mother and little brother. We let her be. Exhausted, and about $200 in the hole, we drove home. My daughter returned on the bus to her mounds of homework. Life returned to its normal relentless pace of too much to do and too little time for joy and connection.
A 13-year-old boy killed himself this week. I don’t know him. It doesn’t matter. I am devastated. So sad for his mother. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy who can’t imagine life without him. Even when, (especially when), we have days where I fall short of being the fun-loving mother I aspire to be and imagine he wants. Tragedies like this one remind me that every day is precious, even when they’re not perfect. Perhaps being the careful-loving mom that I am who acknowledges who she is and who she is not may be the best mom I can be to him.
Life is hard. We all suffer. Some more than others. At 50, I have more self-knowledge and self-acceptance than I had as a teen. I have become resilient, surviving the troughs because I have the experience of surviving previous troughs. Surviving because I have people I love and who love me. Surviving for those precious and imperfect moments of joy and connection. Surviving because I am grateful for all the good in my life. My deepest, most unfathomable fear is to lose a child. I pray that my children never experience so much pain that they feel there is no way out. I pray that my children speak their anger and ask for help. I pray that my children do less laundry and have more fun.
In these troubled times, you are a voice of wisdom reminding us to value life and our loved ones. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading and your warm thoughts.
So sorry for the 13 year old boy’s family. May his memory be a blessing to them!
So sad.
Sad indeed! I hope you are having a great week!
I hate roller coasters too. My cousin made me ride every single one with her at Six Flags in San Antonio. I would suggest never getting on the wooden one. I had such a horrible headache and I imagined my bones just crushing inside my body, It was so jittery. The only thing I do like about theme parks are the water rides, and of course cotton candy.
I like the water rides too. Thanks for reading.
Brilliant!
I have Disneyland Annual Passes for myself and my son and we have been go, regularly for the past 9 years (10 months old was his very first visit, he is 9 years old now). I am your polar opposite. I LOVE amusements parks 😛
However, about 2 months ago, I rode the Mummy at Universal and my age decided to show itself. I enjoyed it, as it was my first time riding it, but wow was I dizzy after I got off. It goes really fast. Yet, I love Space Mountain at Disneyland. I think I was just on an adrenelin high because it was my first time riding it. Also, I can no longer ride Star Tours at Disneyland because of the 3D and movements. I have severe motion sickness as I’m getting older. Dramamine is my friend. 🙂
Anyway, your theory of less laundry, more fun, has always been my theory with my boy. I’ve been reprimanded for this by my own mother (obviously that was NOT her theory when I was growing up) but that is ok. It is because of her lack of embracing this theory that I go with enjoy the moments, especially with my boy.
I’m sorry for the family of the boy who killed himself. That is just so sad and I hope they can find some comfort. 13 is way to young for that kind of action. 😦
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed and good job!
I did like Disney – it helps that there is a wide variety of activities and rides and is so well managed. Thank you for reading. I am thrilled to be making more blog connections from Freshly Pressed.
Time to let laundry wrinkle in piles and reclaim the hours!
http://sometimesisleep.com/2013/04/29/laundry-is-for-suckers/
Wrinkles are underrated.
They add depth.
Thank you for the reminder to take time to have cherished times of fun with our children and not get so consumed with the endless to-do list. This is a reminder that I constantly need. Thank you and congrats on being Freshly Pressed – I had a post receive this honor recently and it was such an amazing honor and experience and I hope it is the same for you
Blessings 🙂
-Jen
I’m terrified of amusement parks… Great post!
My thoughts and prayers to the family of this little boy…I also teach my children that life is short, eat dessert first…
This message is so wonderfully said in such a simple honest mothers voice. Beautiful and sad,funny and scary,and oh so true.
Thank you for reading.
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. I imagine this is how I will feel when I have kids. But we just have to remember, the laundry isn’t going anywhere!
Thank you for reading! Sadly, the laundry was waiting for me when I got home – but my son helped me with it!
We sacrifice a lot for our kids…even laundry 🙂 I’m glad you got to spend the day with your son. You’ll have memories to cherish forever now. (Plus it sounds like your daughter had a good time after all) 🙂 Blessings!
Thank you for reading! Blessings to you.
I hear you! I am a mother of two, and I don’t know what I would do without them. I think about it often, probably too much. But once you have them, your life changes and sometimes I can’t think of anything else! I strive to be a fun mom and I think I’m doing a pretty good job so far! It definitely makes you look back and wish you were more care free and not so concerned about growing up! I just started blogging so if you have some time check my page out! https://neneandmay.wordpress.com/
Thank you for reading. Good luck – I will visit your blog.
GOOD PARENTING! 🙂
Thank you!
Wow – beautifully written. I too often get wrapped up with laundry, dishes, etc and forget to stop to really enjoy my children. Thanks for the reminder.
Give them a hug and a laugh!
Last year in our town, a boy who had recently graduated killed himself. He was a friend of our eldest daughter and I remember him from her 13th birthday party as being the only kid that talked to me. He is buried in the cemetery where we walk our dogs and I make it a point to visit his grave when I go. If one of the kids is with me, I talk about it. I cry for his mother. I share your prayers. Thanks for this post.
I cry for his mother with you.
I really enjoyed your post. This is the first post that I’ve read by you. I don’t want to presume to sound like I know you. But we have something in common – I have five children & I would hate to loose even one. I also pray for them daily. I think it is very important that we pray to God who has ears, who is alive & powerful to answer our prayers. On Sundays we are in church. Sometimes my children complain that we give up the whole day to do it. Hey, they don’t know this world the way I do yet. The peace, protection & reassurance that I have there listening to the Bible explained – I would not trade for anything. And it comes to no cost to me. =) God bless you & your family.
Thank you for reading and sharing.
“I am quite sure that when I am 90, I will wish I had spent more time having fun and less time on laundry.” You’re bang on there. When I’m old and on my deathbed, I will be glad that I wrote my novel, recorded my CD, went to Fiji… I won’t care that I always paid my bills on time or washed the dishes every day. Hmmm, maybe that’s why my apartment is in the state it’s in 🙂
Live and love fully!
Growing up, our house was always a mess. There were dishes in the sink, ironing to be done (that tells you how old I am!), dust on the furniture and dirty windows – but there was always time for laughter, playing cards with each other and enjoying a bowl of popcorn watching a movie with our mother. I have savored every one of those memories especially since my mother died at the age of 63. I have tried to do the same with my children and my grandchildren. I may have raised a bunch of slobs — but we are happy slobs.
It sounds like you have a fun family over many generations. Wonderful!
Love this! Wonderfully written. 😉
Thank you for reading!
In times like these,it’s nice to see a post that warms my heart,then breaks it too. I thoroughly enjoyed your disfavor of amusement parks,as I’m not quite fond of them either. Thank you for this post.
Thank you for reading, with your heart.
You rock mom….you rock! Now I must return to laundry
Just do the minimum amount to get by! Thank you for reading.
yes, too often to just leave the laundry. I often remind my wife of some of the same things… ‘Don’t worry about the dishes, they will get done. There are more important things to do / worry about’…and I don’t mean other chores!
Nice post!
Thank you for reading. We need to keep our houses in order, but not lose sight of the meaning and joy in life. All the more reason to live simply with less stuff to worry about!
I wish to God that nobody loses a child, Amin.
Me too.
beautifully said.
http://iheartarnold.wordpress.com/
Thank you for reading.
A clean house (and clean pile of laundry) is the sign of a life wasted. Well that’s my mantra anyway! Great post!
I am not quite so able to relax about the housework. sigh.
Thought provoking, emotive and utterly brilliant. Precisely what every parent feels as they fulfil the most challenging yet rewarding role of their life. Thank you for this post.
Yes, truly it is the most amazing role of my life. Thank you for reading.
Fabulous post. Funny, captivating and sad. Well written and totally deserving of ‘freshly pressed’!
Thank you! I am thrilled about gaining more readers and making more blog connections through Freshly Pressed.
Great post. One way we need to begin to make changes is to lessen the loads on our kids. Too much homework makes for dull teenagers. And you are spot on when you say we need more joy!!! Bravo!!
I hate homework.
It sounds like your life lessons are great lessons your children will learn from watching you. Bless the family who lost their son.
Bless the family who lost their son.
What a wonderful and engaging write. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! You are certainly deserving of the honor, and we, the readers, are all the richer for being introduced to you! I look forward to reading more of your blog. Again..wonderful and congrats! ~Dennis http://www.dlmchale.com
Thank you! I am thrilled about gaining more readers and connections on Freshly Pressed.
I really loved this post. Very well-written … and such heart-felt, thought-provoking material. I don’t like amusement parks much either and feel bad about it. But what I love is that you went anyway … and your sweet son must have been really happy because he helped find less scary rides. He won’t forget little sacrifices you make along the way to meet him in the middle. You sound like a great mom to me 🙂
Thank you. Yes, that is my hope is that I am showing my children how to appreciate who they are and balance honoring themselves with doing things for people they love. 🙂
I really enjoyed your story. I was at Universal Studios, and a few other choice parks, last week for my 10th wedding anniversary. We left the boys at home and jetted our way to being single parents for 5 short days. Within the first five minutes of arriving at the theme parks I learned why my husband wanted to leave the little dudes at home. His plan was to “feel alive,” while killing me slowly with anxiety attacks as I boarded each and EVERY rollarcoaster that he could find. He started me off with “The Hulk” and the new “Harry Potter” rollarcoaster. I think I said “Oh My God” about 100x per ride and in between that I was screaming like a new born baby that hasn’t been fed in a week. I lost my sunglasses on the FIRST ride on the first upside down loops! Thank goodness I left my purse at the hotel or I certainly would have lost that too. I love that you went to Six Flaggs for your children. My husband is my third child and I went on every coaster because it made him smile. I will be 40 in a fewshort weeks and I certainly feel alive after that experience. The boys have been begging me to take them to 6 Flaggs as well. This time they can accompany Dad on the rollarcoaster rides.
I think the strategy for these places is to pair everyone up with someone who likes or doesn’t like the same level of thrill-seeking. Now it is your turn to share an adventure of your choosing with your husband.
Lovely post. Kudos for your risk taking. 🙂
Thank you.
I hate amusement parks too, for all the reasons you mention. I hate circuses too! And it’s ok!
Hmm, there must be a link. Clowns terrified me as a child – and I still don’t really appreciate their humor. I worry about the animals and how happy they are. I am interested and amazed at some of the trapeze acts – must be the dancer in me. xo
I’m not much of a fan of amusement parks. My idea of fun there is to eat my way through from beginning to end and that’s it. A back injury on a rickety wooden coaster when I was 11 years old sort of took the thrill out of it along with my breath.
Yes, the injuries, real and potential, are frightening. I have issues with eating as well.
I can deal with any ride- except the ones that spin and roller-coasters. I hate them. Anyway. Someone has to do the laundry…
Someone does have to do the laundry! It’s all in the balance.
Reblogged this on Bethcatanese’s Blog.
Thank you for reading and sharing.
Loved it.
I am glad.
Beautifully written 🙂
Thank you for reading. 🙂
My son had a field trip to a park in Michigan when he was “graduating” from elementary school. Surly i need to go. We all clambered on to a school bus for a four hour ride to the park.
Have you ever taken a four hour ride on a school bus? If you ever have the chance I strongly suggest you pass and follow in the jalopy.
We had fun until the return trip started.
4 hours! I would not have done well on that trip!
Reblogged this on Unlimited Limitation and commented:
Let her be,
mungkin itu adalah salah satu ungkapan yang ingin diutarakan oleh hati nurani seorang ibu diatas. Seorang wanita yang mengharapkan anaknya berani mengutarakan kekesalannya kepada seorang ibu dan menunggu nasihat mulia untuk menghentikan amarahnya. Suara seorang ibu yang meminimalisir kemungkinan adanya bahaya yang akan terjadi pada putri kecilnya. Dan menggambarkan, sosok wanita yang ingin menasihati putrinya tanpa perlu menciptakan rasa tidak aman/ tidak nyaman dihati buah hatinya. Semoga postingannya akan membawa manfaat dan diridhoi oleh Alloh SWT. Jazaakumullohu khoir.
Great writing.
Thank you for reading.
Awesome blog and I can tell you ‘I wish there were more moms like you out there’ Happy Mothers Day!
Thank you so much. Happy Mother’s Day!
Finding a balance between work and play is my biggest struggle. Thanks for this post!
mine too – it is a constant struggle
I loved your blog post and nominated you for a Liebster Award! http://happyaccidentshappentoo.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/excited-to-accept-my-first-liebster-award/
Thank you for reading!
If you don’t mind my asking. Was the Superman ride that you were referring to at Six Flags Over Georgia? I’m from there and went to that Six Flags a lot as a kid (Superman was one of our favorites, we also loved Goliath). Since I’ve moved away, it’s almost silly how I’ll jump at nearly any reminder of home…
And I feel your pain about the child. I have gotten to a point where I can’t watch movies that have children (or even parents) passing. My mom called me the Ice Queen for years because she said I was so “cold-hearted” and “unemotional.” Truth be told, it took a lot for me to break down and cry. I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or this incredible bond that I have with my beautiful baby, but I can’t imagine life without her. And when I see that kind of loss happen to another parent, it crushes me. No mother should ever lose her child. It’s almost too much for anyone to handle.
Six Flags in New Jersey. Yes, I’ve been accused of being more interested in animals than in children, at least before I had my own, but everything changed when I had my own. Enjoy your beautiful baby. Thank you for reading.
This was laughable, touching, and relatable. It seems like your family has it together. 🙂
Thank you for reading and your warm words!
I took my daughter the Santa Cruz boardwalk recently and had a similar reaction to the rides. I used to love amusement parks, but now all I can think about is every headline I’ve ever heard or read about amusement park accidents. My kid loved it, though. I guess that’s just motherhood. thx!
Amazing how motherhood changes you! Thank you for reading.
I have been trying to embrace those moments now that I have a little one. I never realized how schedule-oriented I am, and how difficult it can be to tell myself, “no, it’s ok to hug him another minute before you run out the door – one minute will be worth it!” or “it’s ok that he’s not going to sleep, we can just spend more time together tonight.” Hopefully it will become my habit to embrace these times! My latest post is on “Treasure your Season.” You may like it.
-Carolyn
PS – I don’t hide my chocolate – just the wrappers under other things in the trash can…
Yes, hug your little one as much as possible! I don’t hide my chocolate any more either because everyone now knows my hiding places. But I have graduated to such dark chocolate (85%) that no one else likes so I get it all to myself. So selfish.
Thanks for this great post. We took our 7-yr old to Disneyland (LA) and Knotts berry farm for Xmas last year. He was terrified after the fourth roller coaster but he persisted. I gently encouraged him and suggested that if he can will himself to get on one of those and face his fear, nothing in life will scare him as much. Worked. He changed after that trip and faces everything now with oomph and gusto! I, on the other hand, get such motion sickness but I also persisted and made myself for my son’s sake. 🙂
Congratulations. What a breakthrough for your son! Amazing what we do for our children. Thank you for reading.