Joy

by ihidemychocolate

What Matters Now

In Zoom Yoga this morning, our teacher had us conjure up a memory of when we felt joy. In this time of fear, loss, grief, depression, anxiety, terror, perhaps – if we can inhabit that memory of joy – it would be a resource of hope and light.

Without any hesitation, the memory of the birth of my children is what came up for me. I could not replace it by recalling some flash of ecstasy or awe at nature or pride in some personal achievement.

No, it is the extreme pain and effort and emotion of childbirth that resonated for me as joy this morning. I alternated between my two children. Seeing them for the first time as if it was yesterday. Vivid. I could see them. Feel them. Smell them.

Twenty plus years later, in this time of fear, loss, grief, depression, anxiety, terror – I worry for them. What now? Will they stay healthy? Will they find work? Will they find love? Will they have children? Will I stay healthy to see what happens next? When will I hug them again?

Perhaps this insistent and searing travel back in time to the birth of my children is a result of a mini baby boomlet our extended family is experiencing. The announcement of each new pregnancy over the last few months has been ever more exciting and hopeful in this dark time.

May the world waiting for these new humans be safe and secure, filled with love and new opportunities. May we all experience joy, even if it be born of pain and effort and emotion.

May we be healthy.